Paul Balm looks back on a week of ups and downs which included a gig, a weekend of Play Off hockey action and an array of oddities.
Weeks don’t get as odd as the one I’ve just had. That’s the wonder of time really. You never know what’s going to happen. A week could have been sad, happy, disappointing or just downright strange but I don’t think I’ve had a week like the last one.
Let me explain.
For this to really make sense we need to go all the way back to last Sunday, I’m guessing we all know what happened then, Panthers got knocked out of the playoffs at the quarter final stage. That’s where the disappointment came into things. You only have to listen to the TCW podcast to know how we all felt. I didn’t want to talk on the podcast and just wanted to sit quietly and take it all in. It would be easy to say that whilst disappointing it wasn’t the end of the world as we do have those two trophies but… I just didn’t have the words to say how I felt but as I wasn’t going to the playoffs it didn’t matter. I could get away from that arena, settle back into my other life, forget all about it and reset myself for the following season. So, all in all, I went to bed contented, if not happy as I’d mentally started that process.
Fast forward to Tuesday and I got a message asking if I wanted to go and see James at the Arena that night as someone I knew had a spare ticket. Once they’d sewed their hand back on after I’d snatched it off them, I was going back to the arena. As I sat on the bus a thought swirled round my head – did I want to go back, what would it all mean to me. It felt odd being back there but I’m glad I went, they were superb. I realised part way through how much they had meant to me. I could bang on and on about this but I won’t.
If Tuesday had been strange, Wednesday proved to be a copy of Tuesday but even stranger. I didn’t get a message about gig tickets, it was an offer of a ticket to the playoff finals. It took me all of ten seconds to say yes. I was going to the playoffs after all!
Thursday passed as normal. I felt quite odd not receiving an offer for anything but I just got on with life safe in the knowledge that my weekend plans had changed.
Friday brought a new set of trepidation as I realised that I would be sitting about as far away from the Panthers fans as it is possible to be and to make matters worse I would be sat at the side (across an aisle actually) from the Sheffield fans. Still, I told myself, I couldn’t really complain. Friday night brought a real crisis of confidence. Thoughts like “Why was I going?” and “I should just cancel” kept going round and round in my head. Sleep eluded me for hours as the thoughts kept going and coming back. I didn’t know what to do.
I eventually drifted off and woke on Saturday morning with a new found enthusiasm for the whole thing. There’s nothing better than getting up and going straight to the pub. I got to spend time with old friends, had a drink with the Pope and a load of nuns, marvelled at the myriad of shirts (old and new) on display and watched a couple of games of ice hockey. After the second game the pub was too crowded for me so I made the decision to go home. This doesn’t seem much but as someone who would always stay out until the bitter end it was, it really was.
I was dreading Sunday. The thought of watching Sheffield win a trophy and having to sit right next to them was going to be unbearable wasn’t it. I made my exit strategies and planned when I would leave (early if Sheffield won, later if it was Cardiff) and headed to the game pausing only outside Saltbox to watch Cardiff score the opener.
All was good in Block 6 that afternoon. The Steelers lost, it was a LOT quieter, and the toilets had (only sort of we found out) been fixed. Back to the pub for one final time. Again it was delightful not having the Steelers there and we set about getting drunk and enjoying the last few minutes of the season before we all went out separate ways.
As time went on I got a feeling in my head that I needed to get out and get away from the proceedings. So that’s what I did. Out into the night air and down the road away from Bunkers. If anyone had asked I would just be getting a bit of fresh air but I don’t really think I was. The voices in my head were telling me to get away, to just go, leave it all behind. I ended up just pacing about down the road from Bunkers trying to make my mind up. What was I going to do? Stay, go, what? I just didn’t know.
I don’t know how long I was out there but during that time I got two texts from friends in the pub. They just said “You good?” and “You alright”. Four words, that’s all. I don’t know if it was those texts or what but I ended up turning my back on the path away from Bunkers. I walked back into the pub, barely a word was said and I just got back into the swing of things with a head filled with thoughts and voices, some good some bad, like a massive game of tug of war with me in the middle and the idea that I’d head for the last bus. The time for that came and went and my friend said “You’re in this until the end are you?”. One look at my watch told me that the bus was long gone and so that was it. I stepped fully back into the maelstrom of it all. I have a memory, and have since seen photos, of taking my shoe off and waving it about but I don’t know why or what we were doing it for. But that’s the playoffs for you. You do things you wouldn’t normally do and you don’t necessarily know why. Why did I turn around and walk back in? I can’t say in the exact same way I can’t say why I walked out there.
Anyway enough was enough and after a lively taxi ride home the weekend was over a whole hour and a half earlier than last year. If you’ve read this far, thank you for sticking with it and please accept my apologies for the lack of talk about ice hockey. There were a few games. I doubt anyone would say they were particularly good or interesting and they probably won’t be remembered in a few months or years.
So, that’s another week and another playoffs that’s been and gone. Like I said it was all pretty strange. Some of it good, some of it bad. Not as bad as I thought it was going to be but definitely more interesting. This is the third time I’ve written this. The first two went a bit too weird when I was talking about Sunday night. I couldn’t quite get what was happening right. I wanted to make sure I got it right and described what happened in the best way I could. Many people have their own way of dealing with things and I think that writing about things is mine.
I normally write fancy endings to my articles that make some sort of quip or comment about what was written before but I think this is going to be the exception and I’ll close it with two words.
Thank you.
You can follow Paul on Twitter @NotMrBalm
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