Paul Balm writes his latest article for The Cat’s Whiskers in a very personal piece about the differences between hockey life and normality.
Let’s try this again. I started writing this last week or maybe it was the week before but I got rid of it as it started to get too personal and went down routes that I didn’t want to think about, discuss or lay out in the open. There are just some doors that we all want to keep shut to keep what is behind them hidden away and this was one of them. Since then I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about the whole thing and I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s time to poke the bear again and have another stab at it.
What I really want to talk about is the difference between hockey life and normal life. How they are so seemingly similar and yet they are so far apart that it barely makes sense to compare them at all.
I’ve written before about how time differs during games. If you think about it on a Saturday night 8 o’clock doesn’t really exist it simply becomes end of the 1st period. There‘s always that moment somewhere around 9:30 that life just slams back in to place but for those few short hours you’re out of normal time and into the game. Nothing else can touch you (given the quality of the Arena’s Wi-Fi anyway) for that time, you’re entirely in the moment with it all.
Having said all that, hockey in general is a bit like that. The whole sport and all that goes with it can take you away from the hum drum, day-to-day nature of life. Think about going on an away trip. I don’t know about you but when I get in the car the rest of the world just disappears right through the game until I get out the car at the other end.
So, why am I saying all of this? This is where it all went wrong last time around so I’m going to be treading carefully here. Outside of ice hockey I tend to be quite introverted. I’m the quiet one getting on with their work in the corner of the office whilst others make more noise. I’m the quiet one on the edge of the group in the pub. It can be a bit debilitating and can mean that I miss out on opportunities. That’s what’s happened to me in the past, I’ve been passed up for things in both situations and left at home watching other stuff happen, so it’s made me feel pretty miserable at some things. I don’t want to feel like that but that seems to be my role in life – I’m just the quiet one on the edge at least until I get to know people. Familiarity seems to help lift some of the inhibitions on my side but I still seem to get left on one side or at least that’s how perceive things.
Hockey is different. When I’m at hockey, regardless of where it is, hockey is a different situation for me. I don’t know what it is about the game but during the period of time that the game happens I seem to lose all my introversions. I’m involved, I interact, I’m actually part of the situation. The thing is once the game is over I simply return to be the old me. There isn’t a moment when I’m one thing and then some sort of switch is thrown and I become the other thing, it just sort of happens without me noticing it. It really does vary from game to game. Take Sunday night, I was in a pretty good mood all night on a massive high from beating Belfast but now as I sit here writing this I’m back to good old quiet Paul.
So for now I’m stuck in the same situation where I swing from one side to the other depending on when the game is. I’m not sure if there is anything I can do about that, some people are just quieter and it’s the quiet ones that get overlooked . Maybe something will change in the future maybe not. I’ll have to wait and see.
I live in hope though.
If you would like to read more from Paul, his book Nottingham Panthers: A Day by Day Guide is available to buy from Amazon. You can also follow him on Twitter/X @NotMrBalm
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